Everyone loves a good laugh, and funny quotes have the magic to brighten our day. Packed with humor, wisdom, and insights about life, these quotes are amazing for those seeking both entertainment and inspiration.
These extremely funny quotes with a pinch of sarcasm will surely tickle your funny bone. These humorous quotes are sure an bring a smile to your face and uplift your mood.
So, as they say, “Laughter is the best medicine“, so let’s enjoy these witty quotes on life and take life easy. Find the best funny messages, sayings, and quotations here.
Top 10 Funny Quotes Of All Time
- “I can resist everything except temptation.” — Oscar Wilde
funniest quotes - “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
funny sayings - “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” — John Wayne
funny quotes - “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
funny quote - “I have a photographic memory. But sometimes I forget to turn on the flash.” — Unknown
- “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” — Groucho Marx
funny quotes images - “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” — Tennessee Williams
funny quotes of the day - “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
funny quotes pictures - “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” — Abraham Lincoln
funny daily quotes - “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” — Mitch Hedberg
Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Unknown
- “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!” — Charles M. Schulz
- “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
- “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”— Oscar Wilde
- “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person” – Andy Rooney
- “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder
- “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
- “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
- “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling
- “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain
- “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” — Alan Dundes
- “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” — Rod Stewart
- “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
- “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office
- “My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates
Funniest Quotes To Make You Laugh
- “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” — George Carlin
- “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
- “Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.” — Unknown
- “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” — Bertrand Russell
- “A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.” — H.L. Mencken
- “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” — Oscar Wilde
- “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” — Benjamin Franklin
- “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.” — James Thurber
- “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
- “If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” — Dorothy Parker
- “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” — Reese Witherspoon
- “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” — Mark Twain
- “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. And I also know that I’m not blonde.” — Dolly Parton
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
- “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” — Walter Matthau
Funny Quotes About Life
- “Never eat more than you can lift.” — Miss Piggy
- “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” — Judith Martin
- “I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.” — Unknown
- “Life has no remote… get up and change it yourself.” — Mark A. Cooper
- “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
- “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” — Mike Bechtle
- “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most do.” — Dale Carnegie
- “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” — Isaac Asimov
- “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” — Alexander Woollcott
- “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” — Bill Murray
- “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” — Christopher Morley
- “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson, The Office
- “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles M. Schulz
- “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.” — Cullen Hightower
- “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” — Charles Wadsworth
Short Funny Quotes
- “Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.” — Golda Meir
- “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” — Mae West
- “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” — W.C. Fields
- “I’d like to live like a poor man – with lots of money.” — Pablo Picasso
- “I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway
- “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
- “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” — Caroline Rhea
- “Trying is the first step toward failure.” — Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
- “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.” — Betty White
- “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi
- “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” — Les Dawson
- “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” — Casey Stengel
- “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” — Dorothy Parker
- “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” — Ashleigh Brilliant
- “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” — Samuel L. Jackson
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” — Unknown
- “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” — Noel Coward
- “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” — Rodney Dangerfield
- “I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.” — Unknown
- “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel
Funny Quotes Of The Day
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” — Unknown
- “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”— Dr. Seuss
- “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” — Abraham Lincoln
- “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?” — Cynthia Heimel
- “If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” — Lawrence Ferlinghetti
- “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
- “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Woody Allen
- “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” — Mark Twain
- “The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” — Harlan Ellison
- “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” — Dorothy Parker
- “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
- “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis
- “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” — Ashleigh Brilliant
- “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
- “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.” — Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
- “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” — Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City
- Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright
- “You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.” — Unknown
- “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Sir Norman Wisdom
- “At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” — Ann Landers
Best Funny Quotes
- “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A.A. Milne
funny famous quotes - “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” — Douglas Adams
- “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” — Charles de Gaulle
funny phrases - “It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.” — Gore Vidal
best funny quotes - “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” — David Lee Roth
- “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” — Dale Carnegie
- “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” — Don Marquis
- “Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.” — Desmond Morris
- “Sometimes I wonder if all this is happening because I didn’t forward that email to 10 people.” — Unknown
- “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.” — Denis Waitley
- “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
- “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” — Gertrude Stein
humorous quotes - “If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” — Aldo Cammarota
funny birthday quotes - “As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy.” — Ralphie May
funny love quotes - “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” ― George Bernard Shaw
funny quotes about life
Funny Sayings
- “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” — George Carlin
- “Instant gratification takes too long.” — Carrie Fisher
- “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” — Phyllis Diller
- “Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.” — Bill Maher
- “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.” — Mark Twain
- “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres
- “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.” — Winston S. Churchill
- “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” — Unknown
- “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” — Oliver Herford
- “Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” — Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
- “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” — A. Whitney Brown
- “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” — W. C. Fields
- “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” — Lt. Frank Drebin
- “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” — Joan Collins
Funny Inspirational Quotes
- “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West
- “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
- “Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
- “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
- “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
- “I admit that I live in the past, but only because housing is so much cheaper.” — Matt Wohlfarth
- “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” — Clairee Belcher
- “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” — Bob Hope
- “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov
- “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” — Jackie Mason
- “I just realized that ‘Let me check my calendar’ is the adult version of ‘Let me ask my mom.’” — Noelle Chatham
- “A woman is like a tea bag: You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
- “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.” — Francois de La Rochefoucauld
- “The lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.” — Ann Landers
- “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” — Lana Turner
Cute Funny Quotes
- “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” — Mark Twain
- “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
- “The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin
- “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” — Rita Mae Brown
- “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” — Frank Semyon
- “Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent.” — Steve Martin
- “A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.” — Milton Berle
- “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” — W.C. Fields
- “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
- “By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.” — Don Herold
- “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.” — Oscar Levant
- “The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” — Kin Hubbard
- “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
- “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” — Halley Reed
- “The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.” — Josh Billings
More Humor Quotes
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