Top 50 Rodney Dangerfield Quotes, Jokes, And One-Liners

Rodney Dangerfield, an iconic stand-up comedian, actor, and screenwriter, is famous for his hilarious one-liners, self-deprecating humor, and signature catchphrase, “I don’t get no respect!”. He rose to prominence with his roles in 1980s movies like Back to School, Easy Money, and Caddyshack. Here are some of the best Rodney Dangerfield quotes that will tickle your funny bones and help you find humor even in the most challenging situations.

Born on November 22, 1921, in Babylon, New York, Dangerfield faced a tough childhood in a struggling Jewish family. Despite facing financial problems at an early age, he followed his passion for comedy and pursued a career in entertainment.

He started performing stand-up comedy in the 1960s, entertaining in clubs and comedy bars in New York. However, he initially struggled to gain success and recognition.

Dangerfield’s breakthrough came with appearing on popular television shows, including “The Ed Sullivan Show” and “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson”.

These appearances quickly made him a beloved figure among audiences. They loved him for his quick wit, self-deprecating humor, and hilarious one-liners.

After gaining popularity, he starred in numerous successful films including Ladybugs, Natural Born Killers, and My 5 Wives. His comedic talent continued to charm audiences throughout his career.

Dangerfield died on October 5, 2004, following a month in a coma due to complications from heart valve surgery. Despite his untimely passing, Dangerfield’s comedic legacy serves as an inspiration to aspiring comedians and fans alike.

Dive into the world of comedy, entertainment, and laughter with these funny Rodney Dangerfield quotes and one-liners from the legendary comedian.

Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

  1. “I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.” — Rodney Dangerfield     

    Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
    Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
  2. “Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.” — Rodney Dangerfield         

    Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield
    Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield
  3. “When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.” — Rodney Dangerfield       

    Rodney Dangerfield One Liners
    Rodney Dangerfield One Liners
  4. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” — Rodney Dangerfield               

    Best Rodney Dangerfield Lines
    Best Rodney Dangerfield Lines
  5. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” — Rodney Dangerfield   

    Rodney Dangerfield Jokes
    Rodney Dangerfield Jokes
  6. “Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.” — Rodney Dangerfield       

    Quotes By Rodney Dangerfield
    Quotes By Rodney Dangerfield
  7. “I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.” — Rodney Dangerfield                                                                                                                   

    Rodney Dangerfield Sayings
    Rodney Dangerfield Sayings
  8. “Better to keep quiet and let people think you’re an idiot than speak up and confirm it.” — Rodney Dangerfield                                                                                                                             

    Best Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
    Best Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
  9. “I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.” — Rodney Dangerfield                                                                                           

    Rodney Dangerfield Quote
    Rodney Dangerfield Quote
  10. “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” — Rodney Dangerfield                                                    

    Funny Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
    Funny Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Famous Quotes By Rodney Dangerfield

  1. Life is just a bowl of pits.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  2. “Boy what a hotel that was. Why, they stole my towel!” — Rodney Dangerfield
  3. “I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a slingshot.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  4. “Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  5. “I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  6. “I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  7. “My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  8. “I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  9. “I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  10. “I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  11. “I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going. ” — Rodney Dangerfield
  12. “I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  13. “I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  14. “My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  15. “A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn’t eaten in four days. I told him, “Man, I wish I had your willpower.” — Rodney Dangerfield

Humorous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

  1. “I have three kids, one of each.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  2. “I went to a massage parlor, it was self-service.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  3. “What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  4. “I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  5. “I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  6. “For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  7. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  8. “I asked him “Who said you could fool around with my wife” he said everybody.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  9. “My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah. My wife just broke up with her boyfriend.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  10. “I told my kids, “Someday, you’ll have kids of your own.” One of them said, “So will you.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  11. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  12. “You know you’re ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  13. “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  14. “I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  15. “I remember I was so depressed I was gonna jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, ‘On your mark…’” — Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes And Sayings

  1. “He who laughs last didn’t get it in the first place.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  2. “Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  3. “I was so poor growing up, if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have nothing to play with.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  4. “Dad tole me to stop running in circles, I couldn’t so he nailed my other foot!” — Rodney Dangerfield
  5. “I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep, they will have someone to talk to.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  6. “With my doctor, I don’t get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  7. “With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  8. “A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how’d you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!” — Rodney Dangerfield
  9. “Last night I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  10. “I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn’t going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.” — Rodney Dangerfield

Fast Facts About Rodney Dangerfield

Birth name: Jacob Cohen

Born: November 22, 1921 Babylon Village, New York, U.S.

Died: October 5, 2004 (aged 82) Los Angeles, California, U.S.

Occupation: Stand-up Comedian, Actor, Producer, Screenwriter, Musician and Author.

Medium: Stand-up comedy, Film, & Television

Genres: Self-deprecation, Observational comedy, Insult comedy, Black comedy, Surreal humor & One-liners

Spouse: Joyce Indig​ ​(m. 1951; div. 1961)​ ​ ​(m. 1963; div. 1970) & Joan Child ​(m. 1993)

Notable Films: Caddyshack, Easy Money, Back To school, Ladybugs, & Little Nicky

Television Shows: The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Dean Martin Show, & The Rodney Dangerfield Show

Books: It’s Not Easy Bein’ Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs and I Couldn’t Stand My Wife’s Cooking … So I Opened a Restaurant. (Both of them were best-sellers)

Awards & Accolades: Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album, “No Respect”, UCLA Jack Benny Award, American Comedy Award, Hollywood Walk of Fame, & Commie Award


Whether or not you’re a stand-up comedy fan, you will surely get inspired and motivated from these wise words of Rodney Dangerfield on life, love, family, and more.

Let us know which are your favorite Rodney Dangerfield quotations and sayings (with images & wallpapers)? If you have a quote that is not on the above list, please share it in the comments section below.

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