Looking for some humor to tickle your funny bone? We have rounded up the best collection of dad jokes, bad dad jokes, funny dad jokes and puns, dumb dad jokes, funny dad one-liners, and a lot more hilarious stuff to make you laugh out loud.
These silly and funny dad jokes are cheesy, silly, hilarious and can really lighten up any stressful environment in the room. From fathers to kids and adults everyone can enjoy these amazing dad jokes be it a get together, dinner table, or a birthday party.
I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?” “Sofishticated.
Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.
What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.
When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
What piece on the playground is always exhausted? The tire swing.
I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Why did the envelope take so long to get ready? It had to get addressed.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record. But I love their greatest hits!
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? “A satisfactory.”
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
New Funny Dad Jokes
RIP boiled water—you will be mist.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
How did the pirate get his ship so cheap? It was on sail..
What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.
hat do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO.
Why did the envelope take so long to get ready? It had to get addressed.
Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybe…
Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
Why did two tall people get along so well? The could really see eye to eye.
What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
Which bathroom appliance would be the worst life preserver? The sink.
Why would doors do well on social media? Everyone looks for their handles.
What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
What did Adam say to his GF on the 24th of December? It’s Christmas Eve.
I asked 10 people what LGTBQ standed for… Couldn’t get a straight answer!
What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day? You’ve been on fire!
I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards? His kid asked him to sit on the deck.
Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!
What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.
You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
Corny Dad Jokes 2022
You don’t need to be a stand-up comedian to crack some of these terrible and funniest dad jokes you’ve ever heard. These worst dad jokes of all time are full of sarcasm, fun, and cringe.
Dad jokes and one-liners are great to break the ice in an awkward moment with friends and family. And when you see the temp rising up due to a heated up some lame and hilarious dad puns will surely come to your rescue.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
What does a house wear? Address.
Who is the most lonely billionaire? Alone musk.
What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
What do call a criminal landing an airplane? ConDescending.
What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
Why did the cashier rip money in half? They were asked to break a bill.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.
Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
Whoever stole my depression medication: I hope you’re happy.
I had a great joke about COVID… but I don’t wanna spread it around.
I can’t find my ‘Gone in 60 seconds’ DVD. It was here a minute ago.
Why did the cashier rip money in half? They were asked to break a bill.
Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. I now have Heinzsight.
I once got fired from a canned juice factory. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.
I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a gron up.
Bad Dad Jokes 2022
Feeling grumpy? Try sharing these really bad dad jokes on food, gym, people, and see others reactions. Some may go ROFL while others may find it really corny or cringey.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
I didn’t get a haircut, I got them all cut.
Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.
What do you call Bill Gates when he’s flying? A Bill-in-air.
Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why are bakers so rich? They make so much dough.
Why did Hitler wear eye glasses? Because without them he could Nazi.
What language do people speak in the middle of the earth? Core-ean
I finally got around to watching that documentary on clocks. It was about time.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Hilarious Dad Puns
I can kayak. Canoe?
Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you call malware on a Kindle? A bookworm.
I have a clean conscience—it’s never been used.
What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb
Do mascara and lipstick ever argue? Sure, but then they makeup.
What did the sapphire’s best friend tell her? You’re a real gem.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.
What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off.
What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
What did the husband say to his wife right after getting LASIK surgery? “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”
Dad Jokes For Kids To Make Them Laugh
What do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What is the scariest tree? BamBOO!
Sore throats are a pain in the neck.
What is Marco’s favorite clothing store? Polo.
What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
What vegetable is kind to everyone? The sweet potato.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Why was the broom late for work? It over-swept.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.
How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Microchips!
What do you call a sad strawberry? A blue strawberry.
If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots…
How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.
Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup
What did the big flower say to the tiny flower? Hey there bud!
Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite protein source? Mystery meat.
What did the air conditioner say when it met a celebrity? I’m a big fan.
What did the baker say when she won an award? It was a piece of cake.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
Why are piggy banks so wise? They’re filled with common cents.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. JK! Rowling.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
Why are skeletons such bad liars? You can see right through them.
Why couldn’t the family leave the room after playing with Legos? They were blocked.
What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem? Let’s try a different angle.
How did the dad prank his daughter using fake dog poop on April Fools Day? He told her to look out for her new sham-poo in the shower.
Funny Dad One-Liners And Line Quotes
How Do Fish Get High? Seaweed
What group of people never get angry? Nomads.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
What kind of car does an egg drive?” “A yolkswagen.
How do you make 7 even? “Take away the s.”
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
Finally my winter fat has gone… Now, I have spring rolls.
Just paid $200 for a belt that doesn’t fit! What a huge waist!
What do you call a mom who turns into a dad? Transparent.
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
What do you call Batman when he’s hurt? Bruised Wayne.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn’t have the guts.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
What is the fastest growing city in the world? Capital of Ireland. It’s Dublin everyday.
If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you? “An iWitness.”
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? “Traffic jam.”
How do you make the number one disappear? You add “g” and it’s GONE.
What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
If you slap Dwayne Johnsons butt… You officially hit rock bottom.
What’s the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke? The direction the first letter faces.
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
What’s a piece of cliché advice or quote that you’re sick of hearing? Read on to find these funny quotes on silliness that will make you happy and cheerful and will lower your stress levels for sure.
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I am Ananya a Graduate from Holmes College Sydney. I am a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspire them to pursue their dreams. I have been an active contributor to The Random Vibez from last 2 years. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better.