250 Funny Words Of Wisdom To Make You Smile

Looking for some humorous and funny wise quotes? We have rounded up the best collection of funny words of wisdom, quotes, sayings, funny jokes, phrases, one-liners, captions, status messages, (with images, pictures, meme,) to inspire you with wise words with a pinch of humor.

Some encouraging words and life lessons when put forward on a lighter note, then it makes the message clear and uplifts your mood and spirits. These quotes are a mix of funny, inspirational, encouraging, motivational, sarcastic, humorous one liners to take life easy and enjoy it while living it.

Also See: Epic Sarcastic and Bitchy Quotes

Laughter is the best medicine in life, and these funny inspirational wise words and quotes are guaranteed to brighten your day by putting a big beautiful smile on your face.

These amusing words of wisdom are really funny and are relatable to married couples, lovers, students, new moms, brides, parents, children, and more and these wise quotes are really witty with a tinge of sarcasm to make you go ROFL.

You can download the free Funny Words of Wisdom Quotes PDF here and enjoy forwarding it your friends and family to make them laugh out loud and have a great time. Don’t forget to check out our collection of really funny one-liners about life.

 

Funny Words Of Wisdom

  1. “Overthinking kills happiness.”

  2. “Live for today, not for tomorrow.”


  3. “Life is short. Smile till you have teeth.”


  4. “Surround yourself with tacos not negativity.”


  5. “Never look back, there is nothing there for you.”


  6. “Friends buy you food. Good friends eat your food.”                                                           

    Funny Words of Wisdom Friends
    Funny Words of Wisdom Friends

  7. “Cowboy Wisdom: Don’t squat with your spurs on.”


  8. “A laugh is a smile that bursts.” ― Mary H. Waldrip


  9. “Even monkeys fall from trees.” ― Japanese Proverbs


  10. “Random acts of kindness make everyone feel better.”


  11. “It’s always too early to quit.” ― Norman Vincent Peale


  12. “Listen to your dreams – they are smarter than you are.”                                                 

    Funny Words of Wisdom
    Funny Words of Wisdom

  13. “If overthinking situations burned calories, I’d be dead.”                                                               

    Hilarious Words of Wisdom Funny
    Hilarious Words of Wisdom Funny

  14. “One fails forward toward success.” ― Charles Kettering


  15. “No one has ever become poor by giving.” ― Anne Frank


  16. “If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?”


  17. “It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.” ― Brigitte Bardot


  18. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ― Steven Wright


  19. “They that dance must pay the fiddler.” ― Scottish Proverb


  20. “I haven’t been this excited about Friday since last Friday!”


  21. “Marriage: An endless sleepover with your favorite weirdo.”                                           

    Funny Words of Wisdom For Newly Weds
    Funny Words of Wisdom For Newly Weds

  22. “Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.”


  23. “Whoever is trying to bring you down, is already below you.”


  24. “The key to being an awesome dad is aging without maturing.”


  25. “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” ― Tony Robbins


  26. “If you all the rules, you miss all the fun.” ― Katharine Hepburn


  27. “Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some Honors!”                                             

    Funny Words of Wisdom For Graduates
    Funny Words of Wisdom For Graduates

  28. “This too shall pass. It might like a kidney stone, but it will pass.”


  29. “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” ― Phyllis Diller


  30. “An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”


  31. “It’s funny how nobody notices what you do until you don’t do it.”                                                 

    Funny Wisdom Quotes
    Funny Wisdom Quotes

  32. “Common sense is a flow that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.”


  33. “Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures.” ― Gene Brown


  34. “When a southern woman says “Oh hell no”. It’s already too late.”


  35. “Every time you find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.”


  36. “Happiness comes from within. So why are you trying to chase it?”


  37. “The truth hurts, and so would you if you were stretched as much.”


  38. “If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.”                                         

    Funny Words of Wisdom Images
    Funny Words of Wisdom Images

  39. “No response is a response. And it’s powerful one. Remember that.”


  40. “Happen to things, don’t let things happen to you.” ― Stephen Covey


  41. “Cause your facial expression to change – smile.” ― Catherine Pulsifer


  42. “Why do we call it rush hour when nothing moves?” ― Robin Williams


  43. “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” ― Charles Gordy


  44. “I could be a morning person… if morning was sometime around noon.”                             

    Funny Words of Wisdom Memes
    Funny Words of Wisdom Memes

  45. “If elections changed anything, they you be forbidden.” ― Kurt Tucholsky


  46. “Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman… Then better be Batman.”


  47. “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” ― Mark Twain


  48. “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.” ― Bill Gates                                   

    Funny Words of Wisdom For Work
    Funny Words of Wisdom For Work

  49. “Complicated problems always have the easiest and most wrong solutions.”                                                                                                                                     

    Funny Sayings Words of Wisdom
    Funny Sayings Words of Wisdom

  50. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” ― Irish Proverbs


  51. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” ― Woody Allen


  52. “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” ― Gandhi


  53. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A. A. Milne


  54. “The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.” ― Asian Proverbs


  55. “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” ― Wayne Dyer


  56. “Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.” ― Francis Bacon


  57. “Making mistakes does not make you unworthy of love – it makes you human.”


  58. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!” ― Audrey Hepburn


  59. “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” ― George Carlin


  60. “A bore is a person who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.” ― Henry Ford


  61. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” ― Will Rogers


  62. “Wednesday Wisdom: There is no elevator to success you have to take the stairs.”


  63. “Weak people want revenge, strong people forgive, and intelligent people ignore.”


  64. “A smart person knows what to say, a wise person knows whether to say it or not.”                                                                                                                                                   

    Funny Words of Wisdom Life
    Funny Words of Wisdom Life

  65. “Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time.” ― Margaret Bonnano


  66. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” ― Bernard Sahlins


  67. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” ― Elbert Hubbard


  68. “I’m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question.”


  69. “I’ve reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.”


  70. “On a scale of one to nature valley granola bar, how much is your life falling apart?”


  71. “I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.” ― Maya Angelou


  72. “I don’t want problems solved for me. I want the fishing rod, not the fish.” ― Yanni


  73. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” ― Solomon Schechter Focus


  74. “Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.” ― Thomas Sowell


  75. “Since light faster than sound, people may appear bright until you hear them speak.”


  76. “I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounces at the graduation ceremony.”


  77. “You know you’re a Mom when you understand why mama bear’s porridge was cold.”                                                                                                                                             

    Funny Words of Wisdom For New Mothers
    Funny Words of Wisdom For New Mothers

  78. “You choose to laugh instead of helping your friend… Congrats! You are a bully now!”


  79. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” ― Steven Wright


  80. “To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths!” ― Edgar Allan Poe


  81. “A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” ― Irish Quote


  82. “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” ― Woody Allen


  83. “Don’t worry about those who talk behind your back, they’re behind you for a reason.”


  84. “A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results.” ― BC Forbes


  85. “Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”


  86. “An optimistic is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” ― Irv Kupcinet


  87. “Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.” ― Charles M. Schulz


  88. “Beware of him who gives you advice according to his own interest.” ― Hebrew Proverb


  89. “When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” ― Franklin Roosevelt


  90. “I should be a postage stamp. That’s the only way I’ll ever get licked!” ― Muhammad Ali


  91. “The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.” ― Proverb


  92. “The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson


  93. “People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.” ― Benjamin Franklin


  94. “Laughing is the best medicine, but if you laugh without any reason, you need medicine.”


  95. “If the words don’t add up, its usually because the truth wasn’t included in the equation.”                                                                                                                                           

    Funny Words of Wisdom Of The Day
    Funny Words of Wisdom Of The Day

  96. “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” ― C.E.M. Joad


  97. “Life’s a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest.” ― Wilson Mizner


  98. “Logic with get you from A to B. imagination will take you everywhere.” ― Albert Einstein


  99. “The only time I feel light-hearted is when I’m in a plane at 33,000 feet.” ― Robert Rivers


  100. “You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys.” ― Joel Osteen


  101. “I am almost never sure about what I want but I am always sure about what I don’t want.”


  102. “Don’t mess with me. I know karate, judo, jujitsu, kung fu and 20 other dangerous words.”


  103. “If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” ― Confucius


  104. “Wisdom is always an overmatch for strength.” ― Phil Jackson, (Former Basketball Coach)


  105. “It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business.” ― Mahatma Gandhi


  106. “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed.” ― Gandhi


  107. “Water’s like me. It’s lazy. Boy, it always looks for the easiest way to do things.” ― Bob Ross


  108. “I’m not so good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” ― Chandler Bing


  109. “Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.” ― Frank Moore Colby


  110. “Yoga is the fountain of youth. You’re only as young as your spine is flexible.” ― Bob Harper


  111. “Without enthusiasm, your sales talk is about as dead as last year’s turkey.” ― Dale Carnegie


  112. “You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond!” ― Eric Thomas


  113. “Lower your expectations of earth. This isn’t heaven, so don’t expect it to be.” ― Max Lucado


  114. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” ― Emily Ley


  115. “Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.” ― Groucho Marx


  116. “You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.” ― Rabindranath Tagore


  117. “An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” ― Winston S. Churchill


  118. “Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty.” ― Thomas Sowell


  119. “If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it. (5 by 5 rule)”


  120. “Two things to make your day better 1. Do not watch the news. 2. Stay off the bathroom scales.”


  121. “I don’t want to be a genius – I have enough problems just trying to be a man.” ― Albert Camus


  122. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” ― Bob Hope


  123. “Why hoard your troubles? They have no market value, so just throw them away.” ― Ann Schade                                                                                                                                 

    Funny Wise Quotes
    Funny Wise Quotes

  124. “The truth can be funny but it’s not funny to cover up the truth.” ― Ryan Cooper, Difficult People


  125. “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” ― Mark Twain


  126. “My smart mouth always gets me in trouble, and if it’s not my mouth, it’s my facial expressions.”                                                                                                                   

    Words of Wisdom Funny One Liners
    Words of Wisdom Funny One Liners

  127. “Never complain about the things your parents could not give you… it was probably all they had.”


  128. “I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think out of the box… I don’t even know where the box is.”


  129. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” ― Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), Movie: The Office


  130. “Without the will or desire to achieve one is like flotsam on the oceans of time.” ― Steven Redhead


  131. “People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.” ― Otto von Bismarck


  132. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” ― Lucille Ball


  133. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” ― Terry Pratchett


  134. “A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.” ― Marty Allen


  135. “Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.” ― Bill Murray


  136. “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they are seventy-five.” ― Benjamin Franklin


  137. “It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them.” ― Rose MacAulay


  138. “They are ill discoverers that think there is no land when they see nothing but sea.” ― Francis Bacon


  139. “The best way to teach yourself about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.” ― Bill Murray


  140. “If you ever get caught sleeping at work, just slowly raise your head and say “In Jesus Name I Pray”.”


  141. “God gave us mouths that close and ears that don’t – that should tell us something.” ― Eugene O Neil


  142. “I have been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don’t think being an adult is gonna work for me.”


  143. “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” ― Eckhart Tolle


  144. “Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours.” ― Doug Larsen


  145. “If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” ― Maya Angelou


  146. “The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.” ― Abraham Lincoln


  147. “Everyone complains about lack of money, but none complain about a lack of brains.” ― Jewish Proverb


  148. “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.”


  149. “Life is a hurdle race, the winner has to cross all the hurdles and still maintain enthusiasm.” ― M.K. Soni


  150. “Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.” ― Richard Bach


  151. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” ― Bette Reese


  152. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” ― Albert Einstein


  153. “Strong as they are, friendship often reviving. The friend who never hears from you may grow indifferent.”


  154. “You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”


  155. “I don’t have a funny bone in my body; now I know why my surgeon’s bills are so high.” ― Rory R. Cuphist


  156. “Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” ― Paulo Coelho


  157. “Women are like teabags. We don’t know our true strength until we are in hot water!” ― Eleanor Roosevelt


  158. “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean.” ― Confucius


  159. “Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.” ― Oscar Wilde


  160. “Hello, Monday. May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a Hobby?”


  161. “I’m just now sure how my child will survive at school without 6 breakfasts, 2 lunches and 367 snacks day.”


  162. “Money can’t buy happiness but somehow it’s much more comfortable crying in a Porsche than on a bicycle.”                                                                                           

    Funny Words of Wisdom Pictures
    Funny Words of Wisdom Pictures

  163. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ― George Bernard Shaw


  164. “When someone says “expect the unexpected” slap them in the face and say “you didn’t expect that did you?””


  165. “Quality is more than important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles.” ― Steve Jobs


  166. “Photography without seeing would be like eating without tasting.” ― David McKay, Photography Demystified


  167. “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” ― Abraham Lincoln


  168. “Humans are the only species, who cut trees, make paper from it and then write on this paper “Save the trees””


  169. “Those aren’t grey hairs you see. They’re strands of birthday glitter growing out of your head! Happy Birthday!”


  170. “Life is like a baseball game. When you think a fastball is coming, you gotta be ready to hit the curve.” ― Jaja Q


  171. “I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.” ― George Burns (at 100 years)


  172. “Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who is not obsessed with being right?” ― Wayne Dyer


  173. “He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything – that clearly points to a political career.” ― George Bernard Shaw


  174. “I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” ― Fred Allen


  175. “There are three ways in life to become popular: be rich, be beautiful, or be funny.” ― Jon Macks, How to Be Funny


  176. “To Retirement! It’s nice to get out of the rat race, But you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” ― Gene Perret


  177. “For a politician to complain about the press is like a ship’s captain complaining about the sea.” ― Enoch Powell


  178. “Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” ― Will Rogers


  179. “To be taught to read -what is the use of that, if you know not whether what you read is false or true?” ― John Ruskin


  180. “Simplicity, good taste and grooming are the three fundamentals of good dressing and these do not cost money.”


  181. “The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.” ― Chinese Proverb


  182. “You want to be a millionaire. But your values system says you believe in sleep more than grinding!” ― Eric Thomas


  183. “If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either.” ― Leo Burnett


  184. “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.” ― Bill Vaughan


  185. “When a woman says “What?” it isn’t because she didn’t hear you. She is giving you a chance to change what you said.”


  186. “Folks die to easy – they sort of fade away; Make a little error, and give up in dismay.” ― Mabel E. Bailey, Keep Your Grit


  187. “A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves – we become unstoppable.” ― Ken Fite, The Dash


  188. “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.” ― Winston Churchill


  189. “You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the present.” ― Jan Glidewell


  190. “I don’t think God put you on this earth just to make millions of dollars and ignore everything else.” ― Chris Amundsen


  191. “If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap.” ― Glen Buck


  192. “Rules for a Happy Wedding: Bride and Groom: 1. Your wife is always right. 2. In the event that she is wrong see rule 1.”                                                                                   

    Funny Words of Wisdom Marriage
    Funny Words of Wisdom Marriage

  193. “You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” ― Walt Disney


  194. “Middle age is when you can still do everything you used to do – but you decide you’ll do it tomorrow.” ― Dr. Tom Haggai


  195. “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” ― Billy Sunday


  196. “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who mater don’t mind.” ― Dr. Seuss


  197. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” ― Zig Ziglar


  198. “Spring is the time of year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade.” ― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations


  199. “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” ― Cindy Garner


  200. “Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.” ― George Burns


  201. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” ― George Harris


  202. “I have non agenda except to be funny. Neither I nor the writers profess to offer any wordly wisdom.” ― Julia Louis-Dreyfus


  203. “Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless: peacocks and lilies for instance.” ― John Ruskin


  204. “The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts.” ― Fulton J. Sheen


  205. “Enthusiasm is the leaping lightning, not to be measured by the horse-power of the understanding.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson


  206. “Why was the turkey allowed to join the band? Because he had the drumsticks!” ― Hayden Fox, The Try Not To Laugh Challenge


  207. “My terrified graduate, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.” ― Lin-Manuel Miranda


  208. “Slightly twisted words of wisdom and other sayings: Smiles or laughter are required while reading this book.” ― Michelle Jenkins


  209. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” ― Ray Romano


  210. “New Year’s resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy doing and then resolve to stop doing it.” ― Charlie Brooker


  211. “The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.” ― Bill Copeland


  212. “Procrastination is an art form that is less desirable than painting a detailed landscape using a three inch wide brush.” ― Byron Pulsifer


  213. “My father taught me a good lesson: Don’t get to low when things go wrong. And don’t get too high when things are good.” ― Robert Perish


  214. “An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.” ― Laurence J. Peter


  215. “Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway.” ― Mary Kay


  216. “Isn’t it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?” ― RAJ Phillips


  217. “Give man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.”


  218. “Keep your sense of humor. As General Joe Stillwell said, ‘The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind’.” ― Donald Rumsfeld


  219. “Build on what makes you different from your competition. . . You need to be the red tree in the forest. Nick Maley, The Do or Do Not Outlook


  220. “We humans are a silly bunch. We spend half our time trying to fit in with the crowd and the other half trying to stand out from it.” ― Nick Vujicic


  221. “The Romans described the hippopotamus as a fire-breathing river horse that sweated blood.” ― Lucy Cooke, The Unexpected Truth About Animals


  222. “From his neck down a man is worth a couple of dollars a day, from his neck up he is worth anything that his brain can produce.” ― Thomas Edison


  223. “Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from his neck saying, Make Me Feel Important! Never forget this when working with people.” ― Mary Kay Ash


  224. “Interest without activity is similar to having a vehicle that is out of gas – it won’t take you anyplace.” ― Eimantas Gabalis, How To Get Smarter


  225. “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.” ― Maya Angelou


  226. “Life is the movie you see through your own eyes. It makes little difference what’s happening out there. It’s how you take it that counts.” ― Denis Waitley


  227. “Open your eyes to the beauty around you, open your mind to the wonders of life, open your heart to those who love you, and always be true to yourself.”


  228. “The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come.” ― Nicky Gumbel


  229. “Humor helps build connections and relationships in ways that few other social interactions can.” ― Gregory Peart, You Can Be Funny and Make People


  230. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” ― William James


  231. “You can practice shooting 8 hours a day, but if your technique is wrong, then all you become is very good at shooting the wrong way.” ― Michael Jordan


  232. “The moon was full and so close that it seemed we could scoop out some moon ice cream and fill ourselves up on moonbeams.” ― Elif Ekin, Mostly Happy


  233. “How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years gotten enough to eat and escaped being eaten?” ― Logan Pearsall Smith


  234. “A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” ― Theodore Roosevelt


  235. “In every dream journey there comes a moment when you have to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.” ― Mark Batterson, Chase the Lion


  236. “Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don’t go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won’t laugh at you.” ― Jim Rohn


  237. “The shortest recorded period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain.” ― Jane Bryant Quinn


  238. “You need to be comfortable with you. Stop worrying about the couple in the corner who may or may not be looking at you funny.” ― Willow Cross, Getting Over It


  239. “Teacher: Did you do your homework? Student: Did you grade my test? Teacher: I have other students tests to grade. Student: I have other teachers homework to do.”


  240. “You only need listen to yourselves. It reminds me of an old proverb: ‘If and When were planted, and Nothing grew’.” ― Catherine Pulsifer, If and When Were Planted


  241. “An occasional coffee drinker: I only really like it because it gives me an excuse to eat dessert.” ― Sebastien; Racineux; Chung-Leng Tran, Coffee Isn’t Rocket Science


  242. “I am not funny. My writers were funny. My direction was funny. The situations were funny. But I am not funny. I am not funny. What I am is brave.” ― Lucille Ball


  243. “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.” ― George Carlin


  244. “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.” ― Dave Barry


  245. “Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I will give you someone who will make history. Give me someone without a goal, and I will give you a stock clerk.” ― J.C. Penny


  246. “Wise man passes his wife his salary. Wise man gives a surprise card to his wife. Wise man says things like “she is the best investment.” Be like wise man. Happy wife, happy life.”


  247. “Turning our abilities from stagnate puddles to rushing rivers can happen when we apply ourselves to the task.” ― Warren Philip Gates, Success and the Powerful Introvert


  248. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” ― Dave Barry


  249. “One of the most successful ways companies get the consumer’s attention is by presenting the product in a funny or emotional way.” ― Arlene Battishill, Retail Shock Therapy


  250. “Can I give you a handful of laughter, a smidgen of giggles to boot, a cupful of tease and a comical sneeze, followed by a hilarious hoot.” ― John McLeod, A Handful of Laughter


  251. “Visualize something totally funny or crazy! This will instantly change how you feel because you can’t visualize two things at the same time.” ― Mark Snyder, Developing Good Habits


  252. “. . . I ask people if an elephant has ever bitten them. Most of the time people say no. But everyone has been bitten by a mosquito. It’s the little things that get us.” ― David DeNotaris


  253. “Do not hold to what you have. It is like a ferry boat for people who want to get across waters. Once you have got across, never bear it on your back. You should head forward.” ― Bruce Lee


  254. “Laughter is subjective. What’s funny is whatever makes you laugh. No questions, no arguments. If it makes you laugh, it’s funny . . . to you.” ― Steven Kaplan, The Hidden Tools of Comedy


  255. “The forest was shrinking, but the tress kept voting for the axe, for the axe was clever and convinced the trees that because hid handle was made of wood, he was one of them.” ― Turkish Proverb


  256. “Remember that sometimes people laugh when something is actually funny, but often they laugh when they lack the imagination to understand the situation.” ― John Barrett, SoS-Life Enhancement


  257. “Each child is as different as you and I. Therefore, I believe there isn’t a one-method-fits-all strategy, no matter how appealing that idea might sound (sorry Gina Ford).” ― Giovanna Fletcher, Happy Mum, Happy Baby


  258. “Without a plan of action to put how a dream is envisioned to play out is like pouring out of picture of water on the ground and expecting it to stay in on the surface of the ground.” ― Catherine Pulsifer, Living The Dream


  259. “Years ago there was belief that the world was flat. People were born into that belief and they took it on faith that if they went too far from the shoreline in a boat they would fall off the earth. Columbus sailed on.” ― Les Brown


  260. “Negative people aren’t concentrating their bad energy to be shared with only you… Mosquitos aren’t going to bite just you; they are going to go after the easiest available blood.” ― Barb Bailey, How to Detach from Negative People


  261. “Doing nothing is not as easy as it looks. You have to be careful because the idea of doing anything which could easily lead to doing something that could cut into your nothing and that would force me to have to drop everything.” ― Jerry Seinfeld


  262. “Chasing success is like trying to squeeze a handful of water. The tighter you squeeze, the less water you get. When you chase it, your life becomes the chase, and you become a victim of always wanting more.” ― Wayne W. Dyer, Everyday Wisdom For Success


  263. “Sixty years ago a gentleman wouldn’t go to work without a hat on; ten years ago they stopped wearing ties. Now you don’t have to go into work to go to work, so who knows what people are wearing…and who cares?!” ― Shaa Wasmund, Stop Talking, Start Doing


  264. “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will penetrate it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing… only I remain.”


  265. “Our minds are like monkeys, swinging from one thought to another like monkeys on a tree. As a result, we always feel as if a sense of order, balance, awareness and concentration elude us, because we are always doing, always acting.” ― Debeena Harris, Mindfulness: Mindfulness For Beginners


  266. “I am not an advocate of pity parties. They allow you to wallow in misery and drag yourself even further into the depths of woe. But sometimes having a good cry is like changing the oil in your car. You got 3000 miles out of that batch, now you have 3000 miles to go before another.” ― Sandra Bullock Smith, Trading Places

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Read on to find these slightly twisted words of wisdom that will make you LOL. Bring a smile to your face with these funny quotes – you will find laughter, humor, and a bit of wisdom in these.

Our collection includes funny inspirational and motivational quotations said by some famous people and others. We all need humor in life it helps the challenges that we all sometimes face!

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