100+ Best Funny Witty Quotes about Love, Life, Work and More

We have rounded up some of the most famous and funny witty quotes, sayings, captions (with pictures and images) words, thoughts, one-liners, by great authors, leaders, actors, and more. These clever lines with a pinch of sarcasm will surely tickle your funny bone. These humorous quotes are sure an answer to all stupidity you face day in and out.

Also See: Funny Sarcastic Quotes

These quick-witted and smart quotes, one-liners, status messages, will lighten the air, add humor to your conversations, and will make it easy to break the ice show your fun side too. We have covered the following in the post for you;

1. Famous Witty Quotes and Sayings
2. Funny Witty Quotes About Life
3. Short Witty Quotes and Captions
4. Witty Quotes on Work
5. Inspirational Witty Quotes
6. Witty Quotes for Insta
7. Witty Birthday Quotes

Famous Witty Quotes and Sayings

1. A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire
   

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2. “Dreams don’t work unless you do.” – John C. Maxwell
   

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3. “Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Og Mandino
   

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4. “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith
   

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5. “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” – William Shakespeare
   

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6. “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.” – Oliver Goldsmith
   

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7. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James
   

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8. “To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often.”  – Winston Churchill
   

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9. “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
   

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10. “The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”- William James
    

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11. “I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.” – Woodrow Wilson
    

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12. “A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.” – Ljupka Cvetanova
    

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13. “A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – J. Robson Koenig
    

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14. “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius
    

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15. “All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.” – Adlai E. Stevenson
    

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16. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” – Erma Bombeck
    

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17. “Every habit makes our hand more witty, and outwit more handy.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
    

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18. “I don’t let go of concepts –I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.” – Byron Katie
    

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19. “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feyman
    

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20. “Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” – Thomas Alva Edison
    

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21. “Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” – Claude Mermet
    

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22. “Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” – Otto von Bismarck
    

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23. “Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.” – Ralph Charell
    

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24. “A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein
    

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25. “A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank’.” – Robert Heinlein
    

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26. “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln
    

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27. “Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” – Criss Jami
    

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28. “A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” – Michael Bassey Johnson
29. “A grieving woman could sit alone on a jetty in the early morning. But not with a book in her hands.” – Pia Juul
30. “A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Funny Witty Quotes About Life

1. “Conquered people tend to be witty”
   

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2. “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
   

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3. “A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power”
   

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4. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity”
   

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5. “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”
   

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6. “Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening.”
   

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7. “Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.”
   

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8. “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” – William Shakespeare
   

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9. “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”- Henry Ford
   

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10. “Instead of LOL why don’t you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.”

Related: Cool Funny Sayings

Short Witty Captions and Quotes

1. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”
   

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2. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers
   

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3. “It takes a long time to grow an old friend.” – John Leonard
   

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4. “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” – Tom Robbins
   

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5. “Never try to have the last word. You might get it.” – Robert Heinlein
   

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6. “One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.” – Robert Heinlein
   

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7. “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius
   

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8. “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”– Mark Twain
   

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9. “If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” – Woodrow Wilson
   

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10. “It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company.” – George Washington
    

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11. “Maturity involves turning an insult into a feedback.” – Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel
    

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12. “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” – Oscar Wilde
    

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13. “Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” – Robert J. Sawyer
    

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14. “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.” – Soren Kierkegaard
    

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15. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” – Ronald Reagan

Witty Quotes about Work

1. “In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.”
   

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2. “Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.”
   

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3. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.”
   

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4. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.”
   

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5. “When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.”
   

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6. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
   

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7. “The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
   

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8. “It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.”
   

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9. “The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.”
   

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10. “I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”

Witty Inspirational Quotes

1. “Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.”
   

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2. “Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.”
   

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3. “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
   

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4. “I haven’t failed at anything, I’ve just found all the wrong ways of doing it.”
   

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5. “Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.”
   

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6. “Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.”
   

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7. “Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.”
   

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8. “When someone says, “You’ve Changed”, it simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way.”
   

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9. “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”
   

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10. “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.”

Clever Witty Quotes for Instagram

1. “I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it.”
   

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2. “Weekend, please don’t leave me.”
   

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3. “Be who and what you want, period.”
   

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4. “I used to have class… then I graduated.”
   

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5. “Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt…”
   

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6. “Sometimes, all you attract is fuzz and pet hair.”
   

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7. “I’ll never try to fit in. I was born to STAND OUT!”
   

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8. “Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive.”
   

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9. “Where you movin’? I said onto better things.” – Drake
   

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10. “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”

Cute and Witty Birthday Quotes

1. “It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.”
   

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2. “At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.”
   

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3. “After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” Bette Midler
   

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4. “You’re not forty, you’re eighteen with twenty-two years experience.”
   

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5. “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”
   

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6. “You’re not as young as you used to be. But you’re not as old as you’re going to be.”
   

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7. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
   

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8. “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
   

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9. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
   

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10. “Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” Catherine Pulsifer

Most Popular & Hilarious Witty Quotes about Life

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