Looking for hilarious quotes by Joe Dirt? We have rounded up the best collection of Joe Dirt quotes, sayings, lines, phrases, life advices, captions, (with images and pictures, memes) from the your favorite comedy film.
Also See: Nacho Libre Quotes
Joe Dirt is a 2001 American adventure comedy film. It revolves around young man, Joe Dirt, who at first seems to be a “loser”, a failure, an antihero.
As he travels to find his parents, his finer qualities are increasingly revealed. With switching one adventure to another he finally ends up with a new “family” of close friends, people he has helped and who respect him.
The great thing to learn from Joe Dirt character is he bounces back from a negative situation very quickly and always try to be positive.
Don’t forget to check out our hilarious collection of dumb and dumber quotes from the popular comedy classic.
Joe Dirt Quotes And Sayings
- “Keep on, keepin’ on” – Joe Dirt
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“Life’s a garden, dig it.” – Joe Dirt
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“When bad pets go bad, dang.” – Joe Dirt
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“Like them spinnin tires, do ya?” – Joe Dirt
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“Things get the darkest before dawn.” – Joe Dirt
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“It puts the lotion on its skin. Now!” – Buffalo Bob
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“Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” – Joe Dirt
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“Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.” – Joe Dirt
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“Your nuts are frozen to the porch. Oh, that sucks.” – Joe Dirt
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“Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?” – Joe Dirt
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“If you’re driving a Mopar, you probably look like him.” – Joe Dirt
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“Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown,” – Joe’s Mom
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“Now, this ain’t no flapjack. I’ll go real easy. I won’t look.” – Joe Dirt
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“They’re large and in charge, and they’re lookin for chickies.” – Joe Dirt
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“No, afraid not. That just a big ol’ frozen chunk of poopy.” – Meteor Bert
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“No… because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.” – Kicking Wing
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“You can’t have “no” in your heart. “No” is not an option, brother.” – Joe Dirt
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“My name is Joe Dirt, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” – Joe Dirt
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“You just said your sister’s hot! What a fuh-reak! You’re going to hell, man!” – Joe Dirt
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“If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!” – Joe Dirt
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“You wanna fight? Why don’t you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?” – Joe Dirt
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“Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where’s the good stuff man?” – Joe Dirt
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“Well today I’m gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner that’s right I said Hemi.” – Joe Dirt
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“Here on earth, we call this place a ‘town.’ A ‘town’ is a place where everyone hates you.” – Joe Dirt
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“All right! We didn’t lose him; we just left him. So what? The dude’s doing fine! Look at him!” – Joe’s Dad
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“Buffalo Bob’s kind of a weird name, but people say Joe Dirt’s a weird name and how cool am I?” – Joe Dirt
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“So your gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?” – Joe Dirt
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“Hey, you’re grounded! Where are you all going? Hey, come on! You don’t have to follow him just because he’s going!” – Joe’s Dad
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“Yeah, you want a match? My face and your ass! How ’bout that friend? Huh? I mean, your ass and my face, what’s up?” – Joe Dirt
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“Don’t try and church it up son. Don’t you mean Joe Dirt? Naming you that your father must’ve really hated you,” – Security Guard
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“To tell you the truth, brother, between you and me. The thing with the dog is coming off a little fruity. That’s just me talking.” – Joe Dirt
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“Don’t you get it? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal. You are an underachievement nexus of the universe,” – Zander Kelly
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“You really think you can match that slant 6 of yours against this 426 hemi? Huh? Well then let’s do it little boy!” – Charlene the Gator Farmer
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“Here we go, I’m a bit of a crocophile, so don’t try this at home. This here’s Rocky, and he ain’t no puppy. Now, let’s see if Rocky got some cavities.” – Joe Dirt
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“But I’m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say.” – Joe Dirt
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“There you go. Someone shoves an M-80 up a bullfrog’s butt, blows him to pieces…he comes back to you to fix it. You win twice, brother. It’s good biz.” – Joe Dirt
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“My God! Oh, my clowns! Look at my clowns! I wish he never found us! Look what he did to my children! Oh, no! Hey! Hey, TV people! Hey, TV people!” – Joe’s Mom
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“Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back; making fun of poor Joe Dirt? Zander Kelly Probably, because I’m sure that Yahweh would be chiming in too.” – Joe Dirt
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“Nunamaker! Nunamaker! That’s what my sister said on the way to the Grand Canyon! My last name’s Dirt, her last name’s Nunamaker! That’s my parents’ last name!” – Joe Dirt
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“[strapped to atom bomb] I’m not messin’ around! I hit it, and it goes bang. Alright? Now while I’m up here waiting you [points to attractive girl] show me them boobies!” – Joe Dirt
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“You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” – Kicking Wing
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“You’re talking to me all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!” – Clem
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“I’m not talking about a posi-trac; I’m talking about me. How long did you look for me before you gave up? How lone were you riding in that car before you realized I wasn’t in it? Exactly how long?” – Joe Dirt
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“You guys got somethin’ to say to me? Why don’t you say it in the microphone? I got a backup mike right here. Check one-two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin’, and guess what? They don’t like no feedback, what’s up?” – Joe Dirt
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“The guy doing the police sketches thought I was messing with him because my dad came out looking like Father Time and my mom came out looking too butch and looking way too much like Richard Ramirez. You know the Night Stalker, remember him?” – Joe Dirt
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“And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.” – Joe Dirt
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“Why did you do that to me? I was only eight years old – I was just a little kid. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a kid and have nobody around to talk to? No one that cares if you’re alive or dead? Every day you just think you’re worthless and there’s a void in your life?” – Joe Dirt
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“People like that security guard. They don’t really mean what they say. They just got their own issues and what not. All’s I got to do is keep bein’ a good person. No matter what, good things’ll come my way. Everything’s gonna happen for me, just so long as I never have no in my heart.” – Joe Dirt
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“Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showin’ and it was grossin’ everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up, and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don’t mean to get all scientific with you…” – Joe Dirt
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“Life is too short to waste doing nothing, make everyday count because we all don’t know when we will leave this world. Cherish every moment you have with loved ones and never regret anything in life, because everything happens for a reason. Look at every day and smile that God has kept you alive, cause there’s nothing sweeter than life.” – Joe Dirt
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“Cajun Man: “[Weird Cajun accent] Home is where you make it.” Joe Dirt: “What? Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.” Joe Dirt: “You like to see homos naked?” Cajun Man: “No, no, no. Home. It’s where you make it.” Joe Dirt: “Yeah, you like to see homos naked. That’s cool.” Cajun Man: “No! Home is where you make it!” Joe Dirt: “Oh.” Cajun Man: “Everybody knows that. God damn, boy.” Joe Dirt: “Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn’t help me.””
Joe Dirt Fireworks Quotes
- “Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das or crap flappers?” – Joe Dirt
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“You calling the Whhhhhhhambulance? You crying? Maybe we’ll go back down to McDonald’s and get you a whamburger and some french cries! How about a weineken! You little sissy!” – Joe Dirt
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“Well, huh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick ’em in mailboxes, you drop ’em in toilets, shove ’em up bullfrogs asses.” – Joe Dirt
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“You’re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?” – Joe Dirt
Funny Joe Dirt Quotes
- “I got the poo on me!” – Joe Dirt
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“Won’t kill you.” – Joe Dirt Hitchhiking Sign
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“All aberration radio, all the time.” – Joe Dirt
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“His name’s Rocky and he ain’t no puppy.” – Joe Dirt
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“He’ll stop humping as soon as he’s done.” – Miss Clipper
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“It’s like the cartoons, I’m seein all tweet tweet.” – Joe Dirt
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“Ma’am, you should never drink the bong water.” – Joe Dirt
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“Why don’t you practice fallin down, I’ll be there in a minute.” – Joe Dirt
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“Well, that might be your problem. It’s not what you like. It’s the consumer.” – Joe Dirt
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“What’s the deal with your hair? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?” – Zander Kelly
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“Might as well ask why is a tree good? Why’s a sunset good? Why are boobs good?” – Joe Dirt
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“And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying ‘what’s up, baby?’” – Joe Dirt
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“So, what you’re telling me, is that you’re so ingrained with White Trash, that your facial hair just grows in all white trashy like that?” – Zander Kelly
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“There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I’m number one. Rule number two, the croc’s number two.” – Joe Dirt
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“You’re talking to me all wrong… It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom. Get her to sew that!” – Clem
Joe Dirt Quotes About The Moon
- “Well, it ain’t a meteor.” – Meteor Bert
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“Well well, lookey here. Corn off the cob.” – Joe Dirt
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“Well say it, don’t spray it brother, Dang!” – Joe Dirt
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“Watch the guns baby, that’s how I get the gals.” – Joe Dirt
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“Hey! If you want to impress me, get a mullet hairstyle.” – Joe Dirt
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“If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” – Joe Dirt
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“Well I didn’t know she was my sister when I kissed her, so it’s not my fault. And she’s one of the hottest girls on the planet.” – Joe Dirt
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“I’m a rocker through and through. Here’s a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Leppard.” – Joe Dirt
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“Look at him, fellas! You cryin’ boy? You cryin’ boy?! Maybe go back down to Mcdonalds, get you some whaaburgers and some french cries!” – Robby
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“You see that moon? You don’t know how many nights I spent alone staring at that moon wondering if, at that exact moment, my mom or my dad was looking at the same moon. And for that brief second, we were together again, kind of, you know?” – Joe Dirt
More Quotes From Movies
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