85 Best Sarcastic New Year Quotes To Make You Laugh [2023]

Looking for sarcastic quotes for the new year? We have rounded up the best collection of sarcastic new year quotes, sayings, wishes, greetings, jokes, captions and status (with images and pictures) to welcome the new year with some humor and fun.

We all make resolutions for the new year. But seldom do we follow it. This year 2022 is coming to an end. And it has been good for some and bad for some. These amazing sarcastic and witty new year quotes are all about how wasted your last year was and how you want the new year to be.

Let’s welcome the new year 2023 on a lighter note with some hilarious sarcastic new year memes and one-liners for friends and family.

These best of the best new year sarcastic quotes for you to read and laugh on the new year eve. It’s surely relatable to most of us and let’s set some sassy status with a pinch of sarcasm.

If you enjoy these quotes, then do check out our collection of funny new year resolution quotes and resolution memes to make you smile bigger.

Sarcastic New Year Quotes

  1. “Dear 2021 I’m glad you’re Over.”

  2. “New years party Expectation vs reality.”

  3. “Dear Luck… Can we be friends in 2023? :P”

  4. “The first rule of 2022. never talk about 2021.”

    sarcastic new year quotes
    sarcastic new year quotes

  5. “Me having a look at my achievements in 2022.”

  6. “Positive (adj.) the most negative word of 2023.”

  7. “Get ready to make this mistake soon in 2023…”

  8. “I’m not buying 2022 planner until I see a trailer.”

  9. “The only thing I have gained in 2022 is weight :P”

  10. “This year I’m going to tell more people to fk off.”

  11. “Successfully wasted 358 days of 2021 8f202 more to go.”

  12. “Shapes of heart from organ to stone. 2009 to 2022.”

  13. “New Year’s Resolution… More time on the treadmill.”

  14. “Best New Year’s Resolution: Start giving up. Giving Up.”

  15. “I’m so excited for 2022! can wait to waste another year.”

  16. “Resolution for 2022. No Exception No Disappointment.”

  17. “The library before finals looks like the gym after new years.”

  18. “Before I agree to 2022, I need to see some terms & conditions.”

    sarcastic new year quotes funny
    sarcastic new year quotes funny

  19. “My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.”

  20. “May all your troubles last as long as your new years resolutions.”

  21. “My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.”

  22. “Dear 2022, make sure you don’t come up with temporary people.”

  23. “This year, my wish is that everyone gets exactly what they deserve.”

  24. “I can’t believe its been a year since I didn’t become a better person.”

  25. “Cheers to those who are walking into 2022 single. Happy New Year!!”

    sarcastic happy new year quotes
    sarcastic happy new year quotes

  26. “Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.”

  27. “Cheer’s to another year of resolutions we won’t finish. Happy New Year!”

  28. “New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.”

  29. “It’s time to make old mistakes in different ways. Hurray! Happy new year!”

  30. “What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security.”

  31. “I’m actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.”

  32. “Diet day 1: I have removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious.”

  33. “I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they’d get a Bloody Mary.”

  34. “You’d be in good shape, if you ran as much as your mouth. Happy New Year!”

  35. “I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead in this New Year.”

  36. “A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

  37. “New Year’s Resolution: Option A: lose weight Option B: Buy a Bigger Basket.”

  38. “I don’t have a new year’s resolution you don’t need that crap when you’re perfect.”

    sarcastic new year memes
    sarcastic new year memes

  39. “People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”

  40. “I don’t have a new year’s resolution you don’t need that crap when you’re perfect.”

  41. “My new year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.”

  42. “Dear new year’s resolution, well, it was fun while it lasted. Sincerely, January 2nd.”

  43. “Every new year I resolve to lose 20 pounds and I do the problems is that I gain 20.”

  44. “My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.”

  45. “Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems. Happy New Year!!”

  46. “No New Year / New me here I’ll be the same honest as***** at 12:01 that I was at 11:59.”

  47. “What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you for a year!”

  48. “Funny Movie 2012 Fact… Today is the fifth death anniversary of our planet. rest in peace.”

  49. “I love it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.”

  50. “My new year’s resolution? I’ll probably keep it at 1280 x 1024 like always. thanks for asking.”

  51. “My new year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating. I am not starting until next week though.”

  52. “What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!”

  53. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments in this New Year!!”

  54. “Here comes another one for the motivated people, New Year resolution … More time on Treadmill.”

  55. “Every year I make a resolution to change myself……. this year I’m making a resolution to be myself!”

  56. “My new year’s resolution was going to be that I would stop being sarcastic, but dammit, I’m no quitter.”

  57. “Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.”

  58. “What’s your plan for 31st Night? mine is to check all bookmarks I added to my browser in the year 2021.”

  59. “My New Year’s resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic. Like I won’t screw that up right away.”

  60. “I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”

  61. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.”

  62. “If’ you’re born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.”

  63. “New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.”

  64. “Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.”

  65. “My new year’s resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic. How long do you think this fantasy will last?”

  66. “Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year’s resolution is, She said “F*** you” so I’m pretty excited for 2022.”

  67. “I would make a status saying happy new year! But I really don’t like any of you, nor do I want your year to be happy..”

  68. “My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.”

  69. “New Year’s resolution last year need to get in shape for spring. This year need to get in shape for airport screening.”

  70. “I will no longer wish you more success. You’ve had so much already. It should be mine this year! Happy new year to me!”

  71. “It’s officially New Year’s Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.”

  72. “Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.”

  73. “This new year I resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me. Happy new year.”

  74. “When I think about all my happiest memories from the past year, there’s one thing common denominator you. Happy new year!”

  75. “Happy new year! Don’t forget to make some resolutions you’ll never keep and put up a new wall calendar you’ll never look at.”

  76. “I don’t call them new year’s resolutions. I prefer the term, “casual promises to myself that I’m under no legal obligation to fulfill.””

  77. “An optimistic stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” – Bill Vaughn

  78. “People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.”

  79. “Many years ago, I made a New Year’s resolution to never make new year’s resolutions. Hell, it’s been the only resolution I’ve ever kept!”

  80. “To my friends, I wish you peace, love and health. Blah, blah blah… screw that! I wish you lots of booze,  and hope you win Lotto.”

  81. “New year’s day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” – Mark Twain

  82. “Remember you can reset your new year resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox new year) and February 8th (Chinese new year). After that, even I can’t help you.”

  83. “Don’t expect any new year’s Resolutions from me. I plan on staying the same awkward, sarcastic, Foul-mouthed delight, That you’ve all come to know and love!”

  84. “The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.”

  85. “I don’t even drink! I can’t stand the taste of alcohol. Every New Year’s Eve I try one drink and every time it makes me feel sick. So I don’t touch booze – I’m always the designated driver.” – Kim Kardashian

Let us know which of the above amazing sarcastic New Year Quotes for Family  you resonate the most with? If you have a quote which is not on the above list, please share it in the comments section below.

If you loved reading these quotes, do check out new year spiritual quotes, and family new year quotes and wishes.

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