50 Statler And Waldorf Quotes From The Muppet Show

Statler and Waldorf are a pair of Muppet characters in the field of entertainment who have become icons of wit and charm. Known for their heckling and grumpy personality, the duo has lit up our screens for years, tickling our funny bones. Here is our collection of the best Statler and Waldorf quotes that will make you laugh out loud.

Statler and Waldorf, two elderly men, first appeared in The Muppet Show in 1975, where they consistently taunt and mock the characters of the show they are watching from their balcony seats.

Designed by Jim Henson, the characters have been performed by many puppeteers, including Henson, in various films and television shows.

Statler and Waldorf were named after two famous New York City hotels, the Statler Hilton and the Waldorf-Astoria.

What sets this duo apart is their hilarious banter which is often a delightful blend of sarcasm and puns. They use mockery and jokes to say things about the shows they are watching. In a way, they voice out things that we might be thinking deep down but never say out loud.

From their witty one-liners to their funny rivalry with other Muppet characters, Statler and Waldorf have always been appreciated by audiences and critics.

Enjoy laughing at these famous Statler and Waldorf quotes from ‘The Muppet Show’.

Top 10 Statler And Waldorf Quotes

  1. “They aren’t half bad.” — Statler, “Nope, they’re ALL bad!” — Waldorf
  2. “Ever heard of pig on bikes?” — Statler, “I’ve never heard of road hogs.” — Waldorf
  3. “That’s what we call a Disney Joke! — Fozzie, “No!! That’s what we call a Dismal Joke!!!” — Statler
  4. “Wake up! Here come the bikinis!” — Statler, “Oh boy! Let’s synchronize our pacemakers!” — Waldorf
  5. “You know, there’s nothing like grand opera.” — Statler, “Yep, and that was nothing like it.” — Waldorf
  6. “Hey, this is a great way for Fozzie to do his material!” — Waldorf, “Yeah, a moving target is harder to hit!” — Statler
  7. “I wonder if there is really life on another planet.” — Statler, “Why do you care? You don’t have a life on this one!” — Waldorf
  8. “I wish Gene Kelly would teach me to Charleston.” — Waldorf, “I wish Gene Kelly would drive you to Charleston!” — Statler
  9. “You know, the second half of this show reminds me of Aspen.” — Waldorf, “Why Aspen?” — Statler, Statler Cause It’s All downhill from here!” — Waldorf
  10. “That Johnny Depp is everywhere! What’s he got that I haven’t, besides youth, good looks, virility, fame, wealth.” — Statler, “Functioning kidney, gallbladder, hip.” — Waldorf

Best Statler And Waldorf Quotes

  1. “Do you believe in life after death?” — Statler, “Every time I leave this theater.” — Waldorf
  2. “He’s trying to drown us! What kind of an act is that?!” — Statler, “An act of mercy!” — Waldorf
  3. “I didn’t know pigs could do that!” — Waldorf, “Be that talented?” — Statler, “No, be that bad!” — Waldorf
  4. “There’ve been wars started over less than that.” — Statler, “You’re wrong. Nothing’s less than that.” — Waldorf
  5. “How poignant, I remember being a teenager in love.” — Statler, “Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn’t have you!” — Waldorf
  6. “What’s all the commotion about?” — Waldorf, “Waldorf, the bunny ran away!” — Statler, “Well, you know what that makes him.” — Waldorf, “Smarter than us!” — Both
  7. “Hey, Waldorf, I was wondering if maybe you.” — Statler, “Darn, I’d better get some new batteries for my hearing aid.” — Waldorf, “Hahaha! I fool him every time!” — Statler
  8. “Well, what do you think?” — Statler, “Do we have time to go to the bathroom before the next show?” — Waldorf, “We can’t, you old fool. We’re bolted to the seats!” — Statler
  9. “Now why did you do that to poor Fozzie?” — Statler, “Do what? I really was on the Titanic.” — Waldorf, “I know. You still have the dress you wore so they’d let you in the lifeboat. Heh heh heh.” — Statler
  10. “The internet is a completely different culture isn’t it.” — Statler, “You said it. Everything here is immediately followed by sarcastic comments and nasty responses.” — Waldorf, “Yup, we’re finally where we belong.” — Statler

Famous Statler And Waldorf Quotes From The Muppets

  1. “Well, that was different” — Statler, Yep. Lousy… Both:… but different!” — Waldorf
  2. “The question is, what is a Mahna Mahna?” — Statler, “The question is, who cares?” — Waldorf
  3. “Hey, hey, hey! It’s that silly bear!” — Waldorf, “Time for the audience to go elsewhere!” — Statler
  4. “Well, how do you like the film?” — Statler, “I’ve seen detergents leave a better film than this.” — Waldorf
  5. “Fozzie gets over 200 letters a week!” — Kermit, “Yeah, but if he paid his bills, he wouldn’t get any.” — Statler
  6. “Now, tonight, I’m gonna try and put something new in my act.” — Fozzie, “Yeah, like comedy, maybe.” — Statler
  7. “I like that last number.” — Statler, “What did you like about it?” — Waldorf, “It was the *last* number!” — Statler
  8. “You know I never liked this show’s theme music.” — Statler, “Neither did I.” — Waldorf, “You promised.” — Kermit
  9. “Yeah, the show is good for what ails me.” — Waldorf, “Yeah? What does ail you?” — Statler, “Insomnia.” — Waldorf
  10. “Can you sing tenor?” — Statler, “What?” — Waldorf, “Can you sing tenor, as in ten or eleven miles away from here?” — Statler
  11. “Pay up! They made it through another one.” — Waldorf, “Double or nothing next week’s show?” — Statler, “You’re on!” — Waldorf
  12. “I’d like to get close to Connie Stevens, but I’m too close to something else.” — Waldorf, “What’s that?” — Statler, “Ninety.” — Waldorf
  13. “You can’t stop the old Fozzie tonight! I’m really cooking! I’m one rare bear!” — Fozzie, “Yeah. You’re a square bear that ought to be served medium-rare.” — Waldorf
  14. “You can’t stop the old Fozzie tonight! I’m really cooking! I’m one rare bear!” — Fozzie, “Yeah. You’re a square bear that ought to be served medium-rare.” — Waldorf
  15. “Well, it was good. Statler, Ah, it was very bad.” — Waldorf, “Well, it was average.” — Statler, “Ah, it was in the middle there.” — Waldorf, “Ah, it wasn’t that great. Statler, I kind of liked it.” — Waldorf

Funny And Sarcastic Statler And Waldorf Quotes

  1. “Lines, what lines?” — Statler, “On your face you old fool” — Waldorf
  2. “Gonzo should quit while he’s ahead” — Statler, “Gonzo should quit while he’s alive!” — Waldorf
  3. “Every week this show looks better to me.” — Statler, “Every week your eyesight gets worse.” — Waldorf
  4. “Does this show constitute as cruelty to animals?” — Statler, “Not unless they’re watching it.” — Waldorf
  5. “Well, how do you like the film?” — Statler, “I’ve seen detergents leave a better film than this.” — Waldorf
  6. “Wake up, you old fool. You slept through the show.” — Statler, “Who’s a fool? You watched it.” — Waldorf
  7. “Maybe we are the wrong generation for this kind of comedy?” — Waldorf, “No, the wrong species.” — Statler
  8. “There’s a lot to be said about this program.” — Statler, “Too bad you can’t say it on a family show!” — Waldorf
  9. “You know what kind of party Paul’s having?” — Waldorf, “No, what kind?” — Statler, “A hen party.” — Waldorf
  10. “Why are you yelling bravo? Did you like it that much? — Statler, “Nope; friend of mine, Joe Bravo, he’s sitting in the front row. Bravo!” — Waldorf

More Statler And Waldorf Quotes

  1. “The bear and the Snowman are great team.” — Waldorf, “Yeah! The snowman’s ice cold and the bear’s not so hot!” — Statler
  2. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t watched it.” — Statler, “Believe what?” — Waldorf, “I don’t know – I wasn’t watching.” — Statler
  3. “You are my sunshine! My only sunshine.” — Waldorf, “Why you old fool!” — Statler, “What?” — Waldorf, “I’m not your son and my name’s not Shine.” — Statler
  4. “Bravo, bravo!” — Waldorf, “Why are you yelling bravo? Did you like it that much?” — Statler, “Nope; friend of mine, Joe Bravo, he’s sitting in the front row. Bravo!” — Waldorf
  5. “Tell me, Statler. Do you have any naval experience?” — Waldorf, “Well, I once saved a rat from drowning.” — Statler, “Really, how?” — Waldorf, “I gave him mouth to mouse resuscitation!” — Statler


Which of these hilarious Statler and Waldorf quotes and sayings is your favorite? Do you have any other favorite quote that you want to add to the list? Feel free to share with us in the comment section below.

If you liked reading these funny quotes then check out our collection of Charlie Brown quotes and Uncle Ruckus quotes to have a good laugh.

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