45 Major Payne Quotes From The Classic Comedy Film

Major Payne is an American military comedy movie released in 1995. The film is directed by Nick Castle and stars Damon Wayans as the main lead. Here is a collection of the best Major Payne quotes that are rib-tickling and will surely make you laugh out loud.

The movie revolves around a US military officer Major Payne, who after being discharged leads a group of misfit youth cadets at a military school and tries to motivate them to win a competition.

Payne doesn’t consider failure as an option, he wants to win at all costs. He goes all out to train his cadets to fulfill his mission of getting them in shape using his strict and unconventional methods.

Despite his tough training methods, the cadets don’t quit. They build cohesion and establish a common goal to win the Virginia Military Games.

Although Major Payne is known for his tough and disciplined military persona, he also reveals his compassionate side when forming connections with the young cadets.

The movie showcases how the Major instills confidence in all his cadets and helps them lead the team to victory.

The film has some funny and memorable lines that are quoted below. Apart from the in-between laughs, the film bestows some inspiring life lessons and heartfelt moments.

A few life lessons that are imparted in the movie are:

  • Never give up
  • Teamwork and loyalty are very important.
  • To go a long way, you need to be mentally tough.

Here is a list of the most famous and funny Major Payne quotes, dialogues, and one-liners that will inspire you to push past your comfort zones and achieve your goals.

Top 10 Major Payne Quotes

  1. “I ain’t frigid.” — Major Payne
  2. “Got no worries, got no stress.” — Major Payne 
  3. “Major Payne reporting for duty, Sir!” — Major Payne                         

    Quotes From Major Payne
    Quotes From Major Payne
  4. “Now you might feel a little pressure.” — Major Payne                     

    Major Payne Movie Quotes
    Major Payne Movie Quotes
  5. “There’s nobody left. You’ve killed them all.” — General                          
    Major Payne Quotes
    Major Payne Quotes


  6. “He’s trying to show you some affection.” — Emily Walburn 
  7. “Killing is my business, and business is good!” — Major Payne           

    Major Payne Sayings
    Major Payne Sayings
  8. “A bullet. It’s somethin’ special. It’s from my heart.” — Major Payne            

    Best Major Payne Quotes
    Best Major Payne Quotes
  9. “You hit that boy again, I’m gonna do more than salute you.” — Major Payne
  10. “LET’S MOVE IT, YOU TURDS! You’ll get no sympathy from me!” – Major Payne   

    Funny Major Payne Quotes
    Funny Major Payne Quotes
  11. “From my heart, left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife.” — Major Payne

Hilarious Major Payne Quotes

  1. “You nasty little worm. Go change your huggies, boy!” — Major Payne
  2. “I never said family don’t break up. Don’t you watch Oprah?” — Major Payne 
  3. “What about family, and unity, and all that other bullshit you said?” — Cadet Alex Stone 
  4. “You know there ain’t no pets allowed on this premises, Mr. Ace Ventura.” — Major Payne 
  5. “What are you laughing at, pig-boy? You find a piece of candy in your pocket?” — Major Payne
  6. “I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they would’ve issued me one.” — Major Payne
  7. “Major Payne, can you please help me to understand why you shaved the children bald?” — Emily Walburn 
  8. “What the hell was that, you little freckle face cartoon? Did I give you permission to sneeze, Opie?” — Major Payne 
  9. “Look at them, these animals are so pathetic that even their own commander didn’t even show up.” — Lieutenant 
  10. “Maybe not, but I can clean out your colon faster than one of those burritos with extra guacamole sauce!” — Major Payne

Best Major Payne Quotes To Make You Chuckle

  1. “Maybe I like you.” — Major Payne
  2. “Don’t push the ‘maybes,’ baby.” — Major Payne
  3. “He makes us squat when we piss.” — Major Payne
  4. “I don’t call it babying, I call it nurturing.” — Emily Walburn
  5. “Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job.” — Major Payne
  6. “Want me to show you a little trick to take your mind off that arm?” — Major Payne
  7. “You hold it, or else I’ll break it off, and kick it around on the ground!” — Major Payne
  8. “Nobody’s leaving here until you turds get this course down to 80 seconds.” — Major Payne
  9. “You’re just not a soggy one. From this moment, you are no longer turds. You have graduated to maggots!” — Major Payne
  10. “Fighting is no longer being done out on the battlefields. Now, all the blood is shed in the halls of Congress, boys like us are becoming dinosaurs.” — Major Payne

Famous Quotes From Major Payne 

  1. “Ain’t no need for name-callin’!” – Major Payne
  2. “If he’s still in there he ain’t happy!” — Major Payne
  3. “Got to earn my right to be called a man.” — Major Payne
  4. “You’d better give up, señor. You cannot kill us all!” — Drug Lord
  5. “Hello cue balls! Welcome to the house of Payne!” – Major Payne
  6. “Let me tell you something, I am not your damn brother!” — Major Payne
  7. “I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they’d of issued me one.” – Major Payne
  8. “Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice!” — Cadet Kevin Dunn
  9. “I am not your damn brother! Now drop down, give me 20 squat thrusts now!” – Major Payne

More Quotes From Major Payne

  1. “You eye me one more time I’ll snatch it out and put it in Heathcoat’s cookie bag!” – Major Payne
  2. “Maybe what he need is for you to pop your titty out his mouth and let the boy grow up.” — Major Payne
  3. “Hey, Williams! You tell Marlee Matlin’s son if he don’t get across that rope, I’m-a hang him with it.” – Major Payne
  4. “All right, ladies. Take off those dresses. Head back to your barracks. Fold ’em up neatly. Let’s move it.” – Major Payne
  5. “Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm.” – Major Payne


Major Payne is a loose remake of  the 1955 film The Private War of Major Benson, starring Charlton Heston. Released in the United States on March 24, 1995, it grossed over $30 million

Hope you enjoyed our collection of Major Payne movie quotes. Which of these hilarious Major Payne quotes, sayings, and memes you liked the most? Let us know in the comment section below.

Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp and more.

Share the inspiration with friends & family!