Check out the best Groucho Marx quotes packed with humor, wit, sarcasm, and timeless one-liners that still make us laugh today.
Groucho Marx was an American comedian, actor, and writer, known for his sharp humor, clever wordplay, and unforgettable style.
Born on October 2, 1890, Groucho rose to fame as the ringleader of the legendary Marx Brothers, a comedy group that brought laughter to vaudeville stages and Hollywood screens with their zany humor and satirical brilliance.
His classic films Duck Soup, A Night at the Opera, and Animal Crackers made him a symbol of smart comedy that brilliantly mocked politics, society, and human behavior.
With his signature mustache, funny glasses, and cigar in hand, Groucho entertained millions with his smart jokes and sarcastic humor.
Here are the funniest Groucho Marx quotes from one of America’s greatest comedians that will make you laugh and think at the same time.
Top 10 Groucho Marx Quotes
- “I intend to live forever, or die trying.” — Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Quotes - “The only real laughter comes from despair.” – Groucho Marx
Quotes By Groucho Marx - “If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.” — Groucho Marx
Quotes From Groucho Marx - “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” — Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Club Quote - “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” — Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Funny Quotes - “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.” — Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Phrases - “Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.” — Groucho Marx
- “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” — Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Quotations - “While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.” — Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Sayings - “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Groucho Marx
Witty And Sarcastic Quotes By Groucho Marx
- “Humor is reason gone mad.” — Groucho Marx
- “A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.” — Groucho Marx
- “I cannot say that I don’t disagree with you.” — Groucho Marx
- “Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.” — Groucho Marx
- “Don’t let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.” — Groucho Marx
- “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx
- “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
- “Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.” — Groucho Marx
- “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” — Groucho Marx
- “I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.” — Groucho Marx
- “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx
- “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
- “There’s only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.” — Groucho Marx
- “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” — Groucho Marx
- “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” — Groucho Marx
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
- “I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.” — Groucho Marx
- “She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.” — Groucho Marx
- “I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.” — Groucho Marx
- “Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.” — Groucho Marx
- “Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.” — Groucho Marx
- “It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.” — Groucho Marx
- “My brother thinks he’s a chicken-We don’t talk him out of it because we need the eggs.” — Groucho Marx
- “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” — Groucho Marx
- “[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.” — Groucho Marx
- “Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.” —Groucho Marx
- “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.” — Groucho Marx
- “I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I’d make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.” — Groucho Marx
- “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.” — Groucho Marx
- “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’” — Groucho Marx
- “Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.” — Groucho Marx
Conclusion
Which of these Groucho Marx quotes and sayings inspired you the most? If we missed one of your favorites, share it with us in the comments below!
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